The year was 1995. I was a young, boisterous and In no way a charming young man. I was still developing my humour and was at this point just edging into wanting some of that sought after limelight every class clown desires.
One fine, beautiful Monday. I define it as a fine and beautiful day as on that day we were allowed to play on the grass. Nothing worse than a wet playtime! Back then, receiving news it was raining when you had been plotting your best hiding spaces for the last hour was tantamount to hearing your dog had died.
Now after this very successful playtime, it was announced to the class that some people would be monitoring the class. The people would be looking for people to feature on a CBBC television show and the would pick some of us at the end of the day and interview us. Well this was it! My time to shine. I held my head so high and gave beautiful answers with vigour and confidence.
Now after this very successful playtime, it was announced to the class that some people would be monitoring the class. The people would be looking for people to feature on a CBBC television show and the would pick some of us at the end of the day and interview us. Well this was it! My time to shine. I held my head so high and gave beautiful answers with vigour and confidence.
Would you believe it, two days later my parents got got a phone call asking me to do a phone interview so I could give answers to question they would be asking about me for the show. I stood, raised my pointy chin and held out my hand as if I were a king summoning maids to my chamber. Everything about my stance yelled.
"Hand me the telephonic device father. My people need me."
Now the question they asked me apart from the obvious was this. "So, Rob what is your favourite animal?"
To this I responded honestly
"My favourite animal is a tiger"
Oh, why do you love tigers they asked, obviously looking for a quick answer whilst trying to stump me.
"Well, I think tigers are amazing predators, the way they use there surroundings and manage to camouflage so well to hunt is such a clever thing."
WHAM! Take that CBBC. Impressed they were either that or left thinking. . Do tigers actually camouflage or do they just make and kill whatever near?
"Hand me the telephonic device father. My people need me."
Now the question they asked me apart from the obvious was this. "So, Rob what is your favourite animal?"
To this I responded honestly
"My favourite animal is a tiger"
Oh, why do you love tigers they asked, obviously looking for a quick answer whilst trying to stump me.
"Well, I think tigers are amazing predators, the way they use there surroundings and manage to camouflage so well to hunt is such a clever thing."
WHAM! Take that CBBC. Impressed they were either that or left thinking. . Do tigers actually camouflage or do they just make and kill whatever near?
The big day finally arrived. I was ready. Proud dad in the audience. Nervous children all around. For some reason not me. The lights, the cameras. It was my time to shine, I just had to pick my moment perfectly. If I could just make one person see. Then maybe, just maybe I'd make it big. I could do Home and Away. I loved that show!
Filming began and we gone through all the testers and sound checks and we had come to filming the tell us about you segment of the show. This was where I was going to take my moment. With honour with pride, with all my work on speaking colloquial English I waited and it came.
"So Rob, your favourite animal. It's actually my favourite animal too. Tell us what is it? Say a young innocent Mark Evans
"Well Mark, I love tigers" I say. looking for my dad in the audience I notice a nervous man and then the second part of that question arrives..
"So why do you like tigers?"
I thought to myself, original answer? or do I go a little drama on this? so naturally I chose this.
"Well Mark, I love tigers basically because they eat people. You know they tear apart the flesh in seconds and just devour whatever they want. My dad says my mom had this ability too"
His face dropped. My dad's jaw widened the room went silent for what was a very long moment until all of a sudden, being the professional he was.
"And on with the show"
Now to my ultimate disappointment. They cut my reason down but I still won. As when the question, why do you like tigers came the answer they managed to cut to was.
"They eat people"
Cut to shocked father. Angry teacher and therapy for a year because everybody things I'm obsessed with death.
Filming began and we gone through all the testers and sound checks and we had come to filming the tell us about you segment of the show. This was where I was going to take my moment. With honour with pride, with all my work on speaking colloquial English I waited and it came.
"So Rob, your favourite animal. It's actually my favourite animal too. Tell us what is it? Say a young innocent Mark Evans
"Well Mark, I love tigers" I say. looking for my dad in the audience I notice a nervous man and then the second part of that question arrives..
"So why do you like tigers?"
I thought to myself, original answer? or do I go a little drama on this? so naturally I chose this.
"Well Mark, I love tigers basically because they eat people. You know they tear apart the flesh in seconds and just devour whatever they want. My dad says my mom had this ability too"
His face dropped. My dad's jaw widened the room went silent for what was a very long moment until all of a sudden, being the professional he was.
"And on with the show"
Now to my ultimate disappointment. They cut my reason down but I still won. As when the question, why do you like tigers came the answer they managed to cut to was.
"They eat people"
Cut to shocked father. Angry teacher and therapy for a year because everybody things I'm obsessed with death.
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